


Diary of College art student

by Felinis



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 22:48:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10841070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Felinis/pseuds/Felinis





	Diary of College art student

What am I doing with my life? It's a statement that comes to mind a bit too often for my own liking. It happens after classes and when I have no work. When I can't find myself to watch anything or write, or draw, or anything. 

I'll try to read but it starts to feel like a chore. I'll play quick phone apps but quickly grow sick of the repetitive nature. I'll try to think of anything to do but there's nothing. Free time is hell. All the things I want sit taunting me but in the end I'm scared to do what I want. 

Which leads me to where I am now. Lying under a pile of blankets nursing a bottle of bailey's while my roommates draws on her Wacom tablet in the dark. It's sad how empty my life has become since college. My parents talked of how fun it would be and how hard classes were... but if I'm honest... it's easier than high school... and worse.

College is a lonely place when you drop in from out of state with no one to call friend. You think that given a weeks time you'll make one friend then two. Before you know it you'll have a gaggle of people to talk to and call friend. But freshman year is almost over and I've literally only gone out to do something not school related 4 times. I've only gotten two meals that weren't from the cafeteria and even then I stopped eating in there once I started having anxiety attacks in my soup. 

Every day I get at least one to go box of food and spend the rest of my time curled up at my computer. I don't care for social media so that's the farthest thing from what I'm doing. Instead I'm rewatching old YouTube videos I've seen over a dozen times half heartily so I can waste my time. It's too early to sleep since I go to bed at nine.

I write fanfiction for the emptiness. If I don't write anything and have people read it I get lonely. I post and wait patiently for a small review or comment to come my way and coo at it. I'll read it over and over for about a week before the numb loneliness returns. I could make friends with my classmates or strangers if it wasn't for the fact that as much as people talk about what a wonderful and open person I am... they don't actually want to know me. They like the smile and happy look I put on their faces. They like the goofball who listens and gives advice.

They like... the facade. But no one ever walks in. So they are always startled or think I'm joking when I say I don't have any friends at college. But it's true.

I'm alone... and I hate it. I need to talk with people. I need conversation. It's why people say I don't shut up. It's not that I can't be silent it's that I'm desperate to talk every chance I get. So I prattle just so I can have some form of contact.

Any contact.

Even if it's an argument with a stranger online over something stupid in a YouTube comment section. I want it. Even if it's a review on a fanfic. I crave it. Even if it's just the view stats.

Even if it's just my mom asking me if I have any plans and saying no... I want to know I'm not alone.


End file.
